WORDS: TOOLS OF WONDER, TOOLS OF WOE
By Robert J. Tamasy

Since much of what we do in the business and professional world involves words – not only those we express verbally, but also those we use in memos, e-mails and traditional letters – it merits looking at this topic more closely.

Can you think of a time when someone made your day – or ruined it – by something he or she said to you (or did not say)? For example, a friend told me about a boss he had who was quick to point out his failures, but refused to acknowledge his successes. As a result, my friend said, he became very discouraged. He felt he could never please his supervisor, no matter how hard he worked, and the encouragement he needed to maintain a high level of enthusiasm for his job never came.

Whether intended or not, what we say – as well as what we choose not to say – communicates how we value others. It is said that only 7% of all communication is verbal; that is, the actual words that are expressed audibly. The remaining 93% is nonverbal communication, which includes tone of voice, body language, and eye contact. This can also involve the words – and the ideas and feelings they represent – that go unexpressed. This explains why my friend felt unappreciated, even though his boss never said words to that effect.

Words can be wonderful tools, tools that can inspire, uplift, motivate and challenge. Or they can have the opposite effect – deflating, disheartening and demeaning. Consider some of the principles about the proper use of the spoken word that we find in the ancient, yet timeless, book of Proverbs:

Rightly chosen words carry great worth and weight. It’s amazing to be with someone who finds the right words for a certain situation – or to be able to do that yourself. Words chosen with care can dramatically change a mood or perspective. “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment” (Proverbs 10:20-21).

Sometimes silence is the best “speech.” While words of encouragement are always welcome, sometimes it’s better to say nothing than to express detrimental or even destructive thoughts. As a famous statesman once said, “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue” (Proverbs 11:12).

Words used selectively can yield a sound investment. Many of us work diligently off “to-do” lists, and gain fulfillment from a day of many accomplishments. However, in the grand scheme of things, perhaps the best things we can do in any given day is to provide, for those with whom we work and live, gifts of praise, encouragement and sincere affection and appreciation. “From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things, as surely as the work of his hands rewards him” (Proverbs 12:14). “The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction” (Proverbs 16:13).

Don’t betray trust with careless words. It can be fascinating – and even give a sense of power – to know something that others do not know, some intriguing secret about someone else they would be delighted to hear. Of course, we can only exercise this “power” when we provide them with this “inside information” that we possess. But once trust is betrayed, it is difficult – often even impossible – to recapture. This cost is hardly worth the short-term gain. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13). “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28).

Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit corporation based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran of more than 30 years in professional journalism, he most recently has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring: 10 Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential (NavPress). For more information, see www.theheartofmentoring.com.